From Hangovers to Clarity: My One-Year Journey Without Alcohol

From beating hangovers to embracing clarity, I’ve uncovered a new perspective on relationships, health, and living life to the fullest. A small journey on self-discovery that might raise a few question, but maybe even inspire you along the way.

A little over a year ago while at a wonderful wedding in Italy where wine flowed freely, a thought crossed my mind: would I be able to truly enjoy a day like this without alcohol?

It was nothing more than that, a fleeting thought, but it kept nagging at me.

And it grew into more profound questions: “Could I live without alcohol? How would my life change if I abstained from drinking?” And, perhaps most crucially, “Why do I drink?”

And so, my journey began…

Disclaimer: I’ve never struggled with alcohol addiction (that’s what a person who has a problem with alcohol would say though, right?). I did always enjoyed it, especially during social gatherings. In my younger years, I went sober quite a few times for a month or two, and at the same time I had stretches in my life where I would have a glass (or two) of grappa or whiskey before sleep.

So, if I wasn’t addressing a “problem,” why quit? I identified three reasons why I felt drawn to give it up.

1- No more shameful days

Do you recall those bad (and I mean BAD) hangover days when you can’t leave your sofa?

I remember one such days. I managed to get to my friend’s place and I just lied there on the sofa, unable to join our kids’ playtime or even have lunch with my mate.

I didn’t like it — I wasn’t enjoying his friendship, I wasn’t enjoying the kids’ laughter, I was NOT truly present.

As I aged, hangovers worsened and they began to interfere even more with my life.

My mood wasn’t great while hangover, making me a less-than-ideal friend, husband, or father — headache and tiredness don’t help with being kind. Missing a workout became routine, and I added an extra recovery day after each night out.

The constant was an ever larger layer of shame.

Losing my temper with the people around me because of the constant throbbing in my head was something I started to detest. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to feel bad about myself.

What if you would know, with absolute certainty, that tomorrow is gonna suck? Alcohol often tricks us into thinking the next day doesn’t matter, but I like to think the opposite is true: every day matters.

2- Alcohol is a drug. Alcohol is a toxin.

My father died because of cancer. He is not the first in the family. Reading more about what may increase the chances of cancer I discovered a startling fact: contrary to popular belief, no amount of alcohol is truly safe. Two drinks a week won’t kill you, but will they help you live longer? No. Alcohol is a drug, and I’ve begun viewing it as such. I wouldn’t smoke a cigarette once a week, so why would I drink alcohol?

And if I do decide to drink, is there a point in consuming more than a couple of drinks? Would you chain-smoke a full package of cigarettes in a single night? These are fair questions to ask ourselves.

As someone with a healthy lifestyle, I prefer minimizing exposure to drugs or toxins. At the same time, I would give anything to be able to hug my father once again.

If reducing my toxins can help me live a few months longer I believed it to be worth it. I owe it to my children, I owe it to my wife.

We will all eventually die, but I’d rather die a little later, a little healthier.

3- Embracing Voluntary Discomfort

In his book “The Stoic Challenge”, author William B. Irvine explores how life’s challenges can be seen as Stoic Gods challenging us to become our best selves, particularly when faced with adversity.

Another Stoic practice he explains involves welcoming voluntary discomfort to better prepare for unexpected hardships, like enduring a cold shower or fasting for a day can help you when faced with situations where you have no access to hot-water or a hot meal.

Combining these ideas, I saw it as a Stoic challenge. I introduced a bit of voluntary discomfort and decided to abstain from alcohol for a brief period of time, maybe a couple of months.

That was over a year ago.

How do you do social events while sober?

The most common topic anyone brings up when they know of my sobriety is how on earth can one enjoy any social event — where alcohol is a central part of them — without drinking?

Let me ask you a question instead. If you didn’t know about alcohol, and I told you about a magic pill that could make you dance, talk to people, but might also turn you into a monster, you might hit someone or you might kiss them, and it’s almost certain that the following day you’ll feel like shit, would you risk it?

While an exaggeration, it’s not far from reality. We’ve all heard or experienced stories of friends kissing someone who wasn’t their partner, fighting strangers, throwing up in the middle of the street, or passing out and hitting their heads, all in the name of a few too many drinks?

You might even be that person. Every weekend you hear of alcohol being a decisive factor in changing someone’s life, and often for the worse.

Yet, despite all of it, being sober is the exception.

The first question I asked myself in the beginning of this blog can be used on many occasions: Do I need alcohol to enjoy this? And if I do, does it enhance or degrade my experience? If it enhance it, what’s the catch?

Listening to friends’ drunk stories over the past year, I’ve heard tales of hospitals, injuries, remorse, unnecessary arguments, shameful situations, f*cked relationships, and an overall sense that they have not enjoyed fully some of the most special moments of the year.

I can confidently say that, at the very least, I’ve been mentally present throughout every single day, at every single event. Being fully aware in each moment is a fascinating experience, something I advice you to try. You’ll see reality for what it really is, and the decision to enjoy will solely be based on your clear thinking.

Keep drinking, really.

Rejoice, sober curious people! Almost every single restaurant and bar I’ve been in the last year has had at least one non-alcoholic option.

When they don’t, they have at least tonic water, which you can pair with ice and lemon. Not great, not terrible. At least cheap. It’ll keep you hydrated and you can create the illusion of “drinking”.

I’ve even experienced a placebo buzz after having a few non-alcoholic beers. That’s how conditioned we are to the alcohol-induced sensation.

(Having a non-alc drink that resembles a cocktail also keeps a lot of questions at bay, it’s very useful if you don’t want to explain yourself over and over again).

But what if you need alcohol to break the ice with people?

Good question. Another question could be: Why do you need alcohol to talk to someone else? What’s the underline issue here?

(And sorry for turning around all the questions, but life is all about asking better questions).

The confidence you have while drunk can be attained also while sober. It’s essential to recognize that it’s still you, and with some effort, maybe a little coaching, you can tach yourself to be more outgoing.

Will you friends still want you around if you don’t drink?

Initially, I pondered this often. But then, I considered whether I truly wanted to be part of something where alcohol was the primary focus. Secondly, if they’re your friends, they love you for who you are, right?

The biggest lesson here is that if your sobriety triggers discomfort in them, it’s a result of their own feelings or underneath issues, it has nothing to do with you. As Stoicism teaches us, we can only control our own reactions and emotions.

I know you want to feel accepted, it is one of our primary needs, but if acceptance is conditioned by a drug you decide not to take, then maybe it’s time to revisit your friendships.

How hangovers change your whole life

The single biggest change since abstaining from alcohol is not having to deal with a hangovers. I may still feel tired after a late night out, but I function. I can play with my kids, engage in a light workout, and have a productive day ahead. The following day, I’m totally fine, free from headaches and regrets.

I do not miss laying on the sofa for hours hangover binge-watching Netflix. I do not miss eating like sh*t and messing up my diet. I do not miss having a headache so strong I would just act like an assh*le with everyone around me. I do not miss being hungover.

Unfortunately, drinking and hangovers often go hand-in-hand.

The first step for many could simply be this: never drink so much you’d cause a hangover the next day. It would already be a big step for many.

No hangovers means more energy. It may come as no surprise that one of the topics most people ask me about is how much more energy I have, if I feel “great” now that I quit drinking. It is a very interesting topic, because the truth is that alcohol was just a small part of my life, so do I feel better?

A lot of research shows how just couple of drinks will mess up your night routine or prevent you from going into deep sleep or REM.

With no hangovers, and no problems falling asleep or getting deep sleep, anyone would feel better.

Exercise, diet and stress all play fundamental factors on how I feel each day. A sober life for sure will help you get more easily to the desired state of energy, but it is not the only factor. No hangover days means not having days where you have to recover.

Red Wine and Food: A Delicate Balance

My weakness takes place in a good restaurant, in front of a fine cut of meat. I know for a fact that pairing it with a fine red wine, my experience would be enhanced.

What do we do?
Moderation is key. (And one of the four Stoic virtues).

There’s a significant distinction between enjoying half a glass of red wine with a special meal and having three full glasses of wine with each dinner.

The consumption of alcohol should be as thoughtful as that of any other drug.

A couple glasses won’t kill you, but they are certainly not good for you either.

Finding the Right Balance for Longevity

If you choose to celebrate with friends and enjoy a few glasses of wine, that’s perfectly acceptable. Dr. Peter Attia, in his remarkable book “Outlive,” suggests that two drinks per night, once a week, consumed three hours before sleep, should not significantly impact your longevity (emphasis on “should”).

If you often find yourself drinking over three drinks a night, my suggestion is to take a look at your life and think if your actions are about escaping a reality you don’t necessarily enjoy sober?

Or why would you knowingly endure the next-day misery?

Why do you drink?

Three tips to begin your sobriety journey

If you ever contemplate sobriety, even for just a month or two, I have three simple tips:

1. Discover alcohol substitutes, it’s easier than drinking only water. There are plenty of non-alcoholic options available, from sodas to ginger beer and mocktails. They taste great, just give them a chance (or two, your palate needs time).
2. Embrace curiosity. Approach sobriety as an opportunity to explore your personal relationships, social events, and all the different ways you will experience life when you take alcohol out of the equation.
3. Be patient. As soon as you quit drinking, you’ll be invited to events, dinners with colleagues, weddings, and birthdays, often in the very month you planned to stay sober. Flash news: I noticed in this past year that there are always plenty of events and it’s always a good reason to drink. Give it some time. Your life is more important than any one social event.

Best of luck, and please share with me your experiences along the way.

p.s.: My relationship with alcohol after a year sober

After a year sober, I completely changed my relationship with alcohol.

First of all, I don’t let it control any part of my life.

I realised I will be more than happy to indulge in a half a glass of wine, being fully aware of everything written above. I have perfectly clear that every time I drink, I’m letting toxins in.

So do I actually drink now? Very very rarely, and with some set rules.

I want the wine to enhance and enrich my food experience, so I will pair half a glass of red wine with a fancy red meat such as a reindeer filet, or horse tartare. I’ll even have sip of champagne to celebrate a special occasion.

I still haven’t had hard liquor, but I won’t say categorically no to a little bit of whiskey or crystallised tequila. Also, I won’t necessarily say yes: NO is the default answer.

First of all, the alcohol must be either extremely good or fu*king great. A beer won’t, ever, make the cut.

Secondly, the amount will always stay within two drinks a night, three hours before sleeping. After a year sober I don’t personally see any reason whatsoever to drink more than a couple of drinks to enjoy life fully.

Remember the teachings of James Clear’s “Atomic Habits”. Start small. One day will turn fast into one week, one month, one year.

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